Thursday, May 28, 2009
week #2
After reading the assigned chapters it dawned on me that there is a particular guy at work using locker room language with only the woman at the office. It’s a guy in our IT department who takes help desk calls and fixes any technical problems with our computers. I called the help desk yesterday because my computer froze and the gentlemen came over to take a look at it and the first thing he says to me is, “Hello darling.” He took a seat in my chair to work on my computer and a few minutes later addressed me as “sweet heart.” There were several other people around since I don’t have an office, just a cubicle. L He addresses all women like this so I assume this is his norm behavior. I realized that this was a form of locker room language as our text put it. As he was working on my computer I thought why is it that he feels he can call woman by these pet names? Does he think we like it I thought? I can only assume that no one has confronted him about this and I didn’t have the nerve to either. It actually never bothered me before because I never “read” into the comments…until I read the text! After reading the text I come to the conclusion that I don’t appreciate this kind of talk anymore because it puts women down and gives the impression that we are passive. Now I pick up on everything that is being done and said around me at work, at school, at home. :)
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Neeru,
ReplyDeleteI identify with you regarding becoming more aware since this class began. I am becoming keenly aware of my own behaviors that do nothing more than reinforce society’s definition of gender and the inequalities between them. I thing I learned one of my biggest lessons in life when I first entered the corporate world in 1985. I was working for a brokerage firm in the World Trade Center and my project leader was a women. One day I called her “hon”, short for honey. I have no idea why she didn’t fire me on the spot, but obviously she thought I was worth saving. She lectured me for the next two hours on how to address women in business and I have never done that again. I actually thought (as I am sure your IT guy thinks), that these are endearing terms, but they are clearly not, they are demeaning. I think you would serve yourself and the IT person well if you let him know those terms were unacceptable.
This must happen in a lot of places, because a woman upstairs who emails me back and forth at work was telling me how some guy was fixing the copy machine next to her desk and he kept making nasty remarks and stuff to her and the people around her. She didn't do anything about it, but it makes no sense to think why would people come into a company and talk the way they do. I work for a very reputable and professional company and for people like him to come and talk like that is unacceptable. Same for where you work and in this day and age people definably need to watch what they say!!!
ReplyDeleteNeeru,
ReplyDeleteI find it very interesting that we don't even realize the implications of these names and labels. I always thought it was flattering or a nice gesture for someone to refer to me as "sweetheart" until I read these chapters and began to realize how demeaning they really are. The really funny part is that I call women "hon" or "sweetie" too. What am I doing to enforce this lower position?? I tried so hard to understand why I do it and obviously it's because it's been done to me. So it was a terrible realization I had to know that I was enforcing things. I guess the thing to do is when ever someone refers to you like that, simply state your name. I think that would be subtle enough to show that you don't want to be called pet names. Good luck!
And, I think it is a form of power too. These names are names that I refer to my little three year old daughter, but, would never refer to grown women like this! And, how does it play into expectations that are passed down in gendered roles too....ummmmm
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